“Self identity is knowing who you are and proactively creating the space to be that person.”
The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are Self Identity Project goals! They endured unrelenting harassment and negative interpretation of their every move for almost two years. Now, they have taken a stand on their own behalf and decided to retire from their roles as senior royals. They’ve decided not to live life in a way that is detrimental to their health and happiness, but to live life on their own terms.
I first noticed the Prince Harry/Meghan Markle connection in November 2016, when Prince Harry issued a formal statement (https://www.royal.uk/statement-communications-secretary-prince-harry) that defended Meghan against “a wave of abuse and harassment,” from various media platforms. The directive wasn’t neutral or wishy washy, but stated in no uncertain terms that the underlying problem was “sexism and racism”. I loved it! I hate it when people express displeasure in vague terms that make it clear that are afraid to take a stand. Harry didn’t do that. He stated what was wrong, gave examples, then said clearly that he found it unacceptable. In a world where bullying is taken for granted, it was inspiring to see a person with power, publicly take a definitive stand against it. Harry was making a stand, and it was a self identity ownership moment.
Prince Harry and Meghan fell off my radar, until their televised wedding. I decided at the last moment to watch, and was inspired, by how comfortable they were with their separate identities. I felt a deep sense of pride, as I watched the careful way Meghan wove African American traditions into the royal traditions that she was connecting with through marriage. The ArchBishop of Canterbury officiated the vows, while Bishop Michael Curry, an African American pastor gave a sermon. Cellist, Sheku Kanneh-Mason, the first black musician to win the BBC Young Musician played traditional classical selections. The Kingdom Choir sang traditional African American songs, that presumably had never been sung at the nuptials of a British Royal. Some people saw these new elements as disrespectful to centuries of tradition. I saw the entire ceremony as the attempt of this man and woman, like millions of couples before them, to personalize their wedding ceremony tin a way that reflects their personal preferences and separate identities.
During the ceremony, Harry and Meghan appeared to be in the moment. I didn’t observe them making any sidelong glances to see how things were being received. They didn’t appear to notice the rude expressions on the faces of various relatives. They gave every appearance of being relaxed, happy and hopeful. As a spectator, I remember thinking the wedding was symbolic of a belief that they could combine their unique identities without damaging or usurping either one.
As far as I know, The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have never offered any exposition for the choices they made for their wedding. I’m glad. Yes, weddings are about family, friends and spectators(?), but at the heart of the ceremony is the joining of two identities and the personal commitment they make to each other.
After the wedding, Harry and Meghan seemed to enjoy a very brief “honeymoon period” with the media. It didn’t take long for the coverage of Meghan to become decidedly negative. Meghan’s estranged half sister often participated in stories that described Meghan in negative terms. One has to wonder why the opinion of a person who reportedly had no personal contact with Meghan for years wasn’t counter balanced with opinions from people who had close relationships with her.
There were thousands of comments on social media that described Meghan as selfish, difficult to get along with and a *gold digger. There were even more newspaper articles that left negative impressions or hinted at trouble without giving context to support what they were hinting. We’ve all read that Meghan is bossy and often breaks protocol, but how? Remember the reporting that implied that when staff left, it was Meghan’s fault? There were numerous articles that said that Meghan made Kate Middleton cry! We were never given facts or told what the supposed conflict was about. Most adults know that just because someone cries in front of you, doesn’t mean you made them cry.
Consistently, Meghan Markle is generally described as warm, caring, independent and passionate about helping people, by those who know her personally or have encountered her while she does her charitable work. Sadly, during Meghan’s time as a royal, she was portrayed in direct opposition to that narrative. That would be unbearable for a person who has worked hard to be a positive force in the world.
The good news is, this ongoing story has taken a positive turn. The weight of the constant negativity and excessive judgment, didn’t defeat the Duke and Duchess. They discussed their dismay and heartbreak to their family and to the world, in an interview in October with ITV. They weighed their options, and carved out a new path. In the end, The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are being proactive, seeking to protect themselves and their son, by leaving what seems to have become a toxic environment.
It remains to be seen whether the changes will be beneficial, because that’s the way life works. No matter what the future holds, I admire them for shrugging off the identity that was being forced upon them and asserting their self identity; all while holding on for dear life.
Flexible Perspective 